Relaxing day. Cleaned car. Even cod was not enough to make me forget. So many friends. Allergies are killing me. Love always remains. Working on that temper. Thank you. Cut hurts pretty bad. Sleep time.
This coming August makes seven years for our mural. Since they’re remodeling the high school, I think this is the last year the murals will be around :(
Accompanying slideshow made by Kevin. Though it’s half filled with random shots of anything, but the mural.
I wish we had taken more photos!
Oh how I love the mural. Good job always to the wonderful artist who captured 2006. Love it.
I heard this song on a cute video of rats that can do tricks. I loved the beat and how it sounded. The only thing that stuck out from this song was the lyrics “trapped in my mind”. After truly taking the time to listen to this song, I see now that I can fully relate to the lyrics.
I do my best to express myself and let people know me like an open book. There are some things deep within me that I keep from people. I do my best to share my thoughts good and bad. I just can’t fully bring myself to let them know or understand the pain I feel inside. For most of 2012 and all of 2013 I have been positive and living life. All the wonderful experiences have given me so much to be happy about. This does not shield me from the bad times though. I do feel them and experience them as well.
Even though I have been positive and happy there still remains something inside me that brings me down. This feeling makes me think my self-worth amounts close to nothing. I contemplate and see that there are still issues I have yet to resolve within my heart, mind, and soul. I mask this with a happy smile and positive attitude. I am happy and enjoying life. I guess a good way to describe this is with an analogy. Imagine you are suffering from a slight cold. It is not enough to make you stay in bed, but still makes you feel you are not at your best. Now the your “world” that is your friends, work, environment, etc. lets imagine that is Disney Land. Even though you are feeling crappy you man up and enjoy the hell out of what is there. That is I guess what I am doing. I am suffering from something inside me that is enough to make me feel a bit crappy, but not enough to enjoy life and what is there.
I only have a few readers. The people who read this are very important to me. Sorry for not fully letting you into my mind. These things that dwell within me is something I wish for you not to have to imagine or suffer with. If by some chance you have this same feeling or are going through something similar to me, I will tell you what darkness lies within. Do know that I am doing well. I am happy, full of life, and am blessed with so much love. Thanks for reading. I love you all my dear friends. Take care and know I will always do my best to be there for you.
I LOVE SHIT LIKE THIS EVERYTHING IS SO EPIC
As if to say “get your health on you lil’ bitch”
Sorry isn’t good enough. I’m a bit tired of all this. These tears come out as they please. Not ending on a good note. Sigh. Goodnight.
I have been feeling a bit sad and empty inside. This feeling comes and goes every 6-12 weeks. MAny things can trigger this negative feeling. I feel so lost since I live each year as if contracted to a project. After the year or the project is completed I must find something else to make ends meet or feel like there is purpose. Thinking about it now I have no real stability. Each year I have to worry where will I live? Where will I work? I am about to graduate and that is the only thing in my life that is constant and stable.
In a sense I guess school is my comfort zone. Sadly one cannot survive off school alone, or at least one that learns and does not teach. There are many times I feel happy and all is well. In fact that is the majority of how my life is. The problem is during these times I feel sad the time goes by slow. One can enjoy a good moment and time will pass by so fast. But this sadness is like being cut very slowly and the pain seems like it lasts forever; when in reality the cut only lasted 3 seconds. This feeling of sadness is good though. We all must have balance and feeling this is normal and necessary in life. One must feel both happiness in sadness in order to appreciate each emotion.
I am currently in this state because I am stressed out by school. I just woke up from a nap and I feel cranky. Then someone I believe accidentally pissed me off. I am still upset. I just wanna scream and punch something really solid. This is bullshit and I am not happy. This sadness and feeling lost in turning into anger. I will stop now and release this negative feeling.
Living in the moment is wonderful. I do not dwell on the past. I do not fear the future. I live in what is now. This is not a way of life I am used to. Inside I feel I a bit empty. There is much joy and happiness in my life. The people around me seem to be happy. I am probably gonna just sit in my room for a bit and try to sort out my feelings. For some reason I also feel hurt. Sorry for such a depressing post. I just need to let this out. I do not know exactly how I feel right now. I feel like I am lost and floating in darkness. Still can’t help but smile for some reason. Thank you hope and love for helping me move forward. Goodnight all.
For the past couple weeks I have had terrible nightmares. Not sure if they have any deep meaning in my psyche. I do however feel that whenever I have terrible dreams it is because there is of course an imbalance within myself, or someone close to me. A friend did shut me out recently and that kinda hit me hard. So many reasons for these nightmares. Only thing is I can’t really figure out what the it is.
Everything else is going very well. I am healthy and happy with many aspects of my life. I do not fully know what I shall do in the future after I graduate. The fear I have is going away now. Why fear something that is not happening? I will walk my path strong and without fear. My hope is what I shall rely on as the journey moved forward. These nightmares are but a small bump in the road. I just wish I knew the meaning to them.
Feels great to get that runners high. Showers are even better after a good work out. The love will always be there. Almost have temporary freedom. I wish you could all make it to my graduation. My heart is calm and relaxed. I am glad I only have a few people who read my blog. I read yours too. Now I shall lay to rest. Love.